New Zealand

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(A slice of heaven)

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Geography

A rare little paradise in the southern hemisphere consisting of two main islands named North Island and South Island - talk about lack of imagination! Total NZ population is around 4.1 million people and around 50 million sheep. You get a lot of space per person when out sheep-shagging.
Because it's so long and skinny, NZ's temperature ranges from nice and warm in the far north to numb-nutty cold in the far south. In fact it gets so cold in Stewart Island that it only has a population of around 28 which is probably due to frostbite when you whip it out. Wellington was the capital of my second homeland and is sea-lover's paradise based on a wonderful natural harbour.

Places I thoroughly enjoyed whilst in NZ were:-

Kerikeri	North West coast about 3hrs from Auckland. Has NZ oldest building which is sad really since the paint on my old terraced house in the UK was older than this.
Rotorua	Stinks of warm farts due to hot springs and sulphur but is a nice little spot. Rainbow Farm was a giggle for my daughters, especially when they got to bottle feed the lambs.
Napier	On the East coast around the middle of the North Island. One of the most consistently hot spots in NZ and you can watch dolphins being forced to do tricks in a swimming pool.
Taupo	A serious bit of water, this lake is massive. Huka falls are neat too.
Martinborough	Just across the hills from our old house so it was easy to get pissed at the vinyards.

Earthquakes (wot ring of fire?)
Let's not beat around the bush, New Zealand has earthquakes, in fact Napier was trashed by a rather nasty one in 1931. But be not afraid 'cos usually there are lots of them (102 in 1999!) and as far as earthquakes goes that's a good thing. Lots of little ones mean no big nasties and I was happy with that. I think the biggest we had while we lived in NZ was a 6.1 but it was no big deal. However we did have one in Whitby that shook the missus out of bed - so that'll teach her for trying to sneak a lie in.

The good bit about NZ's earthquakes is that they all seem to push the ground up. Wellington's Lambton Quay used to be shark infested shoreline till 1840. Now the only sharks are the tourist shops that line both sides of the street.

Just remember, if it wasn't for earthquakes New Zealand would not be as picturesque as it is today so click here for the latest earthquake report.

History
New Zealand has a wonderful history, all five minutes of it. Originally colonised by some Maori dudes who had to bugger off from Hawaii (bad debts) a fine stable culture was built up by killing each other. This lasted several hundred years until the British arrived and started killing them off at a faster rate. Strangest part about the whole thing is that New Zealand ended up with three different histories; Maori, Pakeha and the real one which nobody seems to be interested in.